What I Learned About Gift Giving After Making 12 Batches of Bolognese for My Kids’ Teachers
Keeping it simple is probably the best idea of all
“What are you going to get the teachers this year?”
In my years of parenting two boys, whenever that question pops up it fills me with dread. It’s not that I’m averse to thanking our teachers — I get anxious thinking that whatever I come up with won’t adequately express my gratitude. The same string of questions has arisen every year: What to get that’s thoughtful but appeals to all? How much to spend?
And then came the Year of the Bolognese.
A few years ago, I felt particularly grateful to my son’s teachers at his new school. We had just moved from New York City to Miami, and I wanted to do something special. It was a year of tremendous transition, and the teachers had helped make it easy for us. A few days before Christmas break, I clicked around the internet until one image sparked the perfect idea. Dinner at home. “Maybe I’ll make them my bolognese,” I thought. Bolognese is easy to make in bulk: just add boxes of pasta, a bottle of wine, a gift bag with tissue, and…buon appetito!
I hopped in the car and went to Target to get a dozen mason jars, boxes of pasta, and bottles of red wine. Two massive pots of bubbling bolognese later, I realized the jars would take a week to fill with my ladle. Back to Target I drove, far less enthusiastic than my first trip. I raced down the aisles to find these weird green plastic devices I never knew existed. (Funnels, for people who normally bottle their jams and sauces, I guess?)
By the time I got back to my car, I was sweating. It was 88 degrees out. What if the sauce turns bad? And then the teachers get food poisoning and are ill for the whole Christmas break? I could picture the headline in the local paper: TEACHER GIFTS SPARK WAVE OF FOOD POISONING. Cooler bags! With ice packs! I ran back into Target.
I got home and promptly finished my self-imposed assignment (never to be assigned again). I must admit, when I looked at all the bags on my counter I thought, “Wow, this is so nice. Kind of a pain in the ass, but so much nicer than a gift card.” I dropped the bags in the school office, explaining to the receptionist that each bag was labeled for a teacher.
But the only person who ever mentioned the bolognese was my son. “Did they like the bolognese?” he asked. “I don’t know,” I said. I never heard a word about it.” Now, I do not — under any circumstance — expect thank-you notes. Truly. Least of all, from teachers or school administrators, for whom school breaks should be just that—breaks. But zero mention over the bolognese, pasta, and wine? I’d be lying if I didn’t admit to feeling a twinge of disappointment. Not even an email! A mention in passing! (This was pre-Covid.)
About a year later, I shared the story with my college friends over text. One of my roommates asked the question that this story started with, and I shared, in one text, a brief synopsis of the bolognese caper. If anyone understood the hilarity of my efforts, my roommates would be at the top of the list.
This year, once again, I started looking for teacher gifts. I found heated neck wraps at Uncommon Goods; cute, hypoallergenic earrings from a company called Rowan; a page-a-day desk calendar from Atlas Obscura; personalized mugs, scarves, pouches and trays from Mark and Graham, 125,467 teacher-inspired items on Etsy—and that’s just in the $25 and $50 range. There is a beautiful box of cheeses from Jasper Hill ($60) at Italic and others on the Jasper Hill site directly. I’m sure I could find bespoke honey or exquisite citrus, and there is always the promise of pizza or bagels or local-restaurant-to-your-doorstep from Goldbelly.
But this time, rather than spending hours looking for goods, I also asked a number of teachers, “What are some of the best gifts you’ve received?”
(No one said bolognese.)
“Gift cards, gift cards, gift cards!” wrote one longtime teacher in San Francisco, who, by the way, is one of the least greedy and most generous people I know.
“Really?”
“Yes!” She replied, before listing a few—Amazon, Nordstrom, Lululemon, Amex. “It’s always nice when the parent writes a personal note, like ‘thought you might like to have a nice dinner out with your husband.’ This same teacher said she’s also loved a tote bag from L.L. Bean and a Yeti mug. Another teacher mentioned personalized stationery. (We’re getting a little close to the wire for that, but Papier, the exquisite and reasonable online purveyor of personalized paper, has e-gift cards.)
Beyond the general pool of typical retailers, let’s not forget that teachers love to read. And what better gift than the gift of a book? A book from a local bookseller, of course. I’ll be buying gift cards for Books and Books here in Miami, but there’s also BookShop.org whose gift cards never expire.
Caroline Callahan Janson is a freelance writer based in Miami, Florida. She is a former staffer at GQ Magazine and Departures, and has written for Condé Nast Traveler, New York Magazine, and the Palm Beach Daily News, among others. She is currently at work on a début middle-grade novel.
